Diamonds in the Lobby

Written on August 22, 2006

 

The Lobby had been quiet for the past week.  Saturday morning had seen the transfer of our beloved Laundry Room to a long grey, cement floored prison cell on the Campus Grounds.  The cheerful patch of sunlight which daily defied the darkness of the back hall was gone.  The door was shut and locked.  There was hardly a reason to go beyond the store now, unless you needed to use the side entrance.  The whole environment had changed.

 

Sam and Josh had spent the better portion of their play time sitting in the hall on the marble ledge across from the closed door, calling for RongJun and looking extremely melancholy.  Their actions echoed our sentiments.  We had all come to depend a little on the safe-haven the Laundry Room provided us.  Now, all we had left was the cold, heartless Lobby and the cramped quarters of HuangJing’s convenience mart.  To sprinkle a little salt on our wounds, a moving date had been set for the kids, Rod and me to relocate to an apartment within the city limits of Shijiazhuang.  

 

It had not been an easy week.  We were all trying to make the best out of what was to be, but the atmosphere was in a state of flux.  An era was coming to an end and we all knew it, but it was the shift in LanFeng’s usually perky demeanor which caused my heart to break. 

 

Every time she caught sight of me and the kids, I could see tears welling up behind her eyes, but she’d blink them away as rapidly as they had appeared, force an unnatural grin upon her face and hurry off in some other direction until she’d fully regained her composure.

 

The sound of her humming as she went about her duties was absent in the wake of the Laundry Room transfer, leaving a gaping hole in the ambiance of the entire building. 

 

I too had been fighting tears all week.  I knew that they’d ambush me soon, but opted not to think about it and tried to convince myself that I would, in time, develop a fondness for the city.  Perhaps, I might even fall in love with it the way I had the county, but I was far from certain that this move was in our family’s best interest, and the idea of life in Shijiazhuang Proper made me feel ill. 

 

Still, we had outgrown Room 205.  Staying wasn’t an option.  That much was apparent. 

 

If we had found housing in the outlying villages which Rod and I had both deemed appropriate, I would have fought tooth and nail to stay in the area, but, in the time available, we hadn’t and I just had to accept that, if for no other reason than the sakes of my children, I had to be willing to adapt to our new environment.  “Willingness” and “with ease” are two entirely different matters.

 

This was not going to be easy, and saying goodbye was going to sting – More than I wanted to admit.

 

“DaSao,” I asked LanFeng the Sunday evening prior to our move, “are you busy?”

 

“No.” she said diligently blinking the mist from behind her eyes.

 

“Could I talk to you for a moment?”

 

She nodded in affirmation then followed me to our usual spot in the Lobby and seated herself in the nearest cushy armchair. 

 

“After we move, can I come visit you?” I said in broken Mandarin.

 

I knew the answer to the question before I asked it, but, not wishing to pounce on LanFeng emotionally I, though usually a very blunt person, found this an ideal moment in which to try my hand at tact.

 

“Of course you can,” she replied, “but you also have to bring those two kids of yours to see us once in a while.  We’re going to miss them…” 

 

Her voice trailed off into silence as she stared at her feet pretending to be interested in the floral print on the canvas of her shoes.

 

Before I knew it, an amazingly fluent stream of words began pouring from within me:

 

“I don’t want to go to Shijiazhuang!  We like it here and we love all of you.  You’ve become our family.  We’re going to miss you…  I’m going to miss you…  You’re my friend…  I don’t want to have to say goodbye.  I don’t want to leave here…”

 

She tilted her head towards her right shoulder and sat there unsmiling, with her eyes fixed on mine, an eyebrow raised, and her lips pursed together as she sifted through my horrible grammar to find the meaning buried beneath the jumble of words I’d thrown into the air.  Slowly her expression relaxed as she bit her lower lip blinking away another onslaught of tears.

 

Her hand stretched out to the books in my lap, retrieving the journal and pen, and began to write.

 

I looked down at the page-full of characters, recognizing most of them from previous conversations.  If she had spoken them, I would have caught her meaning rather easily, but, after reading the paragraph through a few times, I understood why she hadn’t wanted to verbalize them.  The mere act of writing them had left her teetering on the brink of tears:

 

“Once you move to Shijiazhuang, we won’t be able to come visit you.  We’re going to miss you very much.  Be sure to bring Sam and Josh to see us so we can give them lots of hugs.  We won’t forget you.  We can’t forget you… You have become a very good, very close friend.  It’s been an honor to know you.”

 

I was touched. 

 

“DaSao,” I said gently, “Thank you.”

 

Not knowing what else to do, I slipped my fingers around her hand and squeezed it.

 

She peeked up from her shoes and peered into my eyes looking almost frightened as she muttered, “I’m not going to get to hold Josh and Sam anymore…”

 

Her voice wavered as she whispered my childrens’ names and two large tears escaped from the corners of her eyes, trickling down her cheeks in unison until they disappeared under her chin to be absorbed by the collar of her uniform.  

 

They were soon followed by another set, and another, as LanFeng attempted to hide her face with her free hand.

 

I hadn’t expected this, and, still finding myself unfamiliar with many of the “rules” of this culture, I wasn’t quite sure what to do. 

 

If we had been anywhere more private than the Lobby, I would have hugged her regardless of whether I was supposed to or not, but that didn’t seem to be the appropriate move to make in our given circumstances, so I sat there quietly, holding her hand, waiting for her to stop crying.

 

But she didn’t stop crying...  Instead, she drew both of her hands to her face and began weeping. 

 

“Oh God,” I thought, “I can’t just sit here and watch her drown!” so I offered her a kleenex.  She glanced at me briefly from over the tips of her fingers, accepted the offering, mopped some of the tears from her face, stood up, summoning all of the dignity she could, and strode across the Lobby, her face amazingly red from the tearful attack.

 

I felt a little numb and idiotic.  I hadn’t realized she cared about us to that extent and, as I reread the words she’d penned, I too found it impossible to hold back all of the tears which had been swimming around inside of me since Rod had signed the lease for the apartment. 

 

Making my way towards the front entrance, I pulled my hood over my head and tucked my hands into my pockets, yanked the doors open and left.  

 

I walked along the periphery of the Hotel’s property, through the tunnel of grapevines, past the playground and around half of the block before returning to the Hotel. 

 

Tomorrow night was going to be our last in Room 205.  I felt the reality of that beginning to close in on me, but, with all of my might, pushed the emotional onslaught aside.  I couldn’t think about that, not tonight at least.  In fact, I didn’t feel like thinking about anything else for the remainder of the evening.

 

I pried open the heavy glass doors, made my way to where LanFeng sat, her composure once more under control, and told her I’d see her tomorrow. Before she had time to respond, I headed upstairs to bed, feeling as though I’d swallowed an angry rattlesnake.